gojennings

The eulogy

This was one of my favorites from the old blog.  I hope it comes true.

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The question: “If you could write the eulogy for your funeral, what would it say?”

(THERE’S A LARGE GATHERING OF PEOPLE ON A PICTURESQUE BEACH IN THE OUTER BANKS OF NORTH CAROLINA. A HANDSOME, DISTINGUISHED MAN STEPS OUT IN FRONT OF THE CROWD AND STARTS TO SPEAK…)

I am here to pay tribute to my late, beloved grandmother, affectionately known as “LaLa” to her four grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. She died peacefully in her sleep on her 101st birthday, November 24, 2065.

I am a very lucky person, and I’m incredibly grateful to have had her as my LaLa (we all know how LaLa fought with Father Time, and she refused to let any of us refer to her as “grandmother” or any variation thereof. Thus, she was called LaLa.)

I am here to tell everyone what a huge influence she was on my life as well as all of those who knew her. She made such an impact on me that I could tell stories for hours, but I will try to keep this short.

LaLa was a loyal friend, a loving daughter, mother and grandmother, an attentive wife to her beloved Chef for 52 years (God rest his soul), and a good citizen who paid her taxes and didn’t litter.

LaLa was a very compassionate person. Even though my grandfather, BQ, wasn’t particularly good to her back in the early 2000s, she had compassion for him at the end of his life. Back when his third wife left him due to his chronic impotence, and he got severely depressed and had to be institutionalized, she paid one of the nurses to bring him gummy candy every day. Good ‘ole Gramps loved his gummy bears… but LaLa insisted the nurse bring him the limp gummy worms… I’m not sure why…

But anyway, LaLa was a generous person, too. Back in 2011, when she won the largest MegaMillions Lotto on record, LaLa shared her newfound wealth with her family and friends as well as charities dear to her heart (especially the American Red Cross and St. Jude Children’s Hospital). Because of LaLa’s generosity, my dad, PQ, was able to realize his dream of becoming a famous celebrity veterinarian, and, as I’m sure you know, my Aunt KQ is now one of the most renowned actresses of her time!  I never imagined that I could graduate cum laude from Harvard, but I remember LaLa saying to me, “Blaze, you put in the hard work and I’ll make sure you don’t have to worry about a thing! You’re the smartest boy in the world, and I know you’ll accomplish anything you put that big brain of yours up to!” I was only three at the time, but those words really stuck with me.

Not only was LaLa a wonderful, kind, generous person, she was also quite a spitfire with a wicked sense of humor! She had quite a hot temper, but we knew she’d get over it when it flared up. She also loved to laugh! I know this is strange, but some of the best dirty jokes I’ve ever heard came from LaLa… That old bird was a hoot!

LaLa was a success in her career, and when she retired at 46 after winning the lotto, she and Chef travelled extensively all over the world. Of course, she brought her best friends and family with her, and made sure she shared the good times with those she loved. She and Chef finally settled here in the Outer Banks in the lovely house behind us back in 2019. They certainly enjoyed their life together in this home, as did my dad and mom, my aunt and her family, and all the grandkids.

It nearly killed LaLa when her beloved Chef passed away, but it gave her great comfort to know he went with a smile on his face! Yes, they were making sweet, sweet senior citizen love when he went to that big restaurant in the sky. Not bad for an old guy of 86! LaLa mourned her loss for several years. But one day, when she was 91, she decided that she’d had enough sadness. I remember my dad called me one day and said, “You’ll never believe what Mom has told me now! She just called and said, ‘PQ, I’m done with my grieving. I need a man, and I need one NOW!’” (GENTLE LAUGHTER IN THE CROWD) Sure enough, LaLa hit the cougar party circuit and met two or three special men in her last 10 years on earth. Of course, none of them were over 60! You know how LaLa loved her younger men!

I said I’d keep it short, and I’ve rambled on for a while now. It’s time now to fulfill LaLa’s last wish. Let’s go back to the house and play her favorite music really loud, and eat and drink the night away in celebration of her life! Party on, LaLa! We’ll always love and miss you!